Voice of Truth Project

Finding freedom through a Christ-filled life

Surrender June 8, 2011

Filed under: Surrender — Voice of Truth Project @ 12:25 pm

Photo by Corbis

[suhren-der]

–verb (used with object)

1. to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to the police.

2. to give (oneself) up, as to the police.

3. to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.

 

–verb (used without object)

4. to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield.

Surrendering… that is the latest thing that God is working on with me, and boy, am I fighting it.  When I say “fighting it”, I mean FIGHTING IT.  I don’t understand why I am either.  I know that whatever He has planned for me is way better than anything I can even begin to dream of.  Some of the things that I need to surrender are: food, exercise, and the fact that I have to work.

My food.  Whew!  This is a big one.  First off… I have an eating disorder.  If I’m not careful, and weigh and measure my foods (most of the time), I can compulsively overeat.  When I start to feel like I want to eat all of the time, I know that there is something bothering me.  I’ve spent so much of my life stuffing any feelings that I have that I have a hard time realizing when I am stressed or angry.  I just want to eat so I don’t feel anything.  That is a sin.  It is called gluttony.  My second issue with food is that I have Celiac Disease.  I have to read every single label, and be careful with how foods are prepared.  It makes food time very tiring.  It is a battle no matter what I do.

My exercise.  I was doing really well.  I was working out on a regular basis.  Getting in shape; getting prepared for the Rachel Carson Endurance Challenge, and then something inside me just snapped.  All of a sudden, I didn’t want to workout anymore.  I just wanted to eat (see above).  I kept working out, but not at the same frequency or intensity.  Then, I did something stupid and wore flip-flops while cleaning the house all day.  Now, I’ve injured my foot.  The hike is in 10 days (June 18th), and I’m hoping that it is better by then.  Because I injured my foot, I have not been able to do the training hikes, exercise walk, or much of anything.  I am slowing getting to the point where I am realizing that I have not been trusting God with getting me through the 35 miles.  I have no choice, but to surrender to His provision.

My work.  Now, most people roll their eyes when I talk about this.  You may too.  One of the attitudes that I get is, “we all have to work, so just deal with it.”  I went for a period when I didn’t have to work.  I was able to be a stay at home wife.  I loved it!  Who wouldn’t?  Then we had to go and build a house that came in way over budget.  So, here I am back to work.  It is the right thing to do.  I really like the house, and it is a great blessing.  However, I miss being my own boss.  Determining what I wanted to do and when.  I know, wah, wah, wah.  I am to be in the workforce for now, and that is okay.

I have noticed that when I fight these things, I’m miserable.  I feel depressed, repressed, and discouraged.  When I was eating properly (notice properly not perfectly), exercising routinely, and being content with working, I was happy, and peaceful.  My focus was in the right place.  It was not on these things, but on being obedient.  It didn’t matter that I had to do all of it.  I just did.  I stayed in the moment.  It is amazing to me that when I try to control my life and at how out of control it gets.  I would like to understand why.  However, it is not for me to understand right now.  I need to just do.  The understanding will eventually come.  If I ever “get it,” I will share it with you ASAP.  In the meantime, I will keep pressing on towards my goal.  Total surrender to a loving God who only has my best interests at heart.  What are you fighting to surrender?

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